The Zazazu
A friend forwarded me this email on the Zazazu. I thought that was a strange word! Anyway this email verbalised this confusion in me when I was still battling with my decision about the breakup. Nonetheless, I've made the decision to continue seeking out for that A* grade. I have every freedom and right to experience the most romantic thing in life, even though many would say that romance doesnt equate to love.
But see, life could only be beautiful if I choose to romance and enjoy the chemistry exchange between my partner and I. Sharon was so right when she questioned why we should conform to the norms and conventions. Does marriage really guarantee happiness? If it doesnt, why do I need to settle for anything below A* (A* by my own standards of cos. Who else could be a better judge than me, myself???) when i could possibly be better alone?
I could see myself travelling around half the globe with my lil' backpack, experiencing the sights and sounds of the world, feeling happy and carefree.
One might argue that everyone has their own physical and emotional needs. Therefore, we would be forced to conform to the conventions of getting married and having kids ultimately. Prob with someone who could not meet the grade.
Well, my rhetorical reply would be, someone who could not meet the grade would never be able to satisfy those needs, even though trying hard might make a small difference.
Whatever it is, here goes the zazazu!
The Za Za Zu
This zazazu thing is really hard to find. It seems like that is what we're all searching for, the zazazu guy with the qualities of a good boyfriend. Someone who cares and takes care of you, and on top of that, you must feel the zing whenever you're with him. We debated, should we ever compromise the two factors X & Y, or should we stick to a ratio that we're comfortable with? Yesterday we babes said that we shouldn't settle for less, we should never settle for grade B at our age right now. but what about A-? Or do we want to stick to grade A (the perfect guy with 1:1 ratio of zazazu and boyfriend qualities) before we decide to marry? You must know that zazazu is not equivalent to physical qualities. It's just that special chemical X that each of us will feel about the One.
I was sure that I do not want to marry someone who's not the One. I still believe that he's out there. Sure, we may not be absolutely sure if he is the One but I'm sure of one thing, he should be the person I cannot live without. By that standard, I should be able to make my judgements correctly. I think. I can think of one person that I cannot live without, but there isn't the zazazu, I think. doesn't that contradict? So now I would have to re-access how I can make my conclusion on the One. How about, it should be a feeling, that you would just know? That's something that I have heard from my married friends, that you'll know when he comes along.
So we shouldn't worry too much right? That is, ceteris paribus.
We are all growing. Older by the day. Given that you may want to have kids, maybe 2 kids, you should at least have the first kid before 30. So we count backwards. Prob you'll want to have a married life without kids for 2 years, so that makes you to be 27 to get married. (2 years of mlwk and then 9 mths of pain carrying the baby). And given that a normal dating lifespan is 2 years for you to find out if the r/ship is working out, the latest age that I have to start dating the One is 25.
We thought that we still have 3 blocks of 2-years to find that One. We're seriously wrong. Unless getting married is unimportant, having kids are not a priority. Which I think is the truth for me. Right now at least. who's to say that 5 years from now I won't change my mind? That's when we'll start to panic. And will be then settle for grade B!?! That's a horrifying thought.
Is it better to stay single than to marry grade B? Or how about we settle for grade A- right now? Do we have the luxury of time to make the correct decision right now? Or rather, the luxury of choices? If we are holding on to A-, do we want to give it up in search of A* or do we hold on to A-, just in case? But it's not fair to A- to be kidnapped when you know that there's a high possiblity that marriage will not happen if someone better comes along.
But, what if A* doesn't exist?
We're in limbo most of the time, searching and seeking. L is right, we have to put ourselves out there, we all do. Imagine a big wide open space, the sun rises and sets and all these people stand around, walk around, looking for that person. Time passes and still the same group wanders around. Even those who have found someone, they are still wandering around, 'is he/she the one?'. I can imagine a painting like that. I would like to paint that out.
And so this question remains, what is your own comfortable balance of factor X and Y? Maybe eventually my own would be a ratio of 2:1. I think I'll value the zazazu more. That's so hard to find. so hard.
But see, life could only be beautiful if I choose to romance and enjoy the chemistry exchange between my partner and I. Sharon was so right when she questioned why we should conform to the norms and conventions. Does marriage really guarantee happiness? If it doesnt, why do I need to settle for anything below A* (A* by my own standards of cos. Who else could be a better judge than me, myself???) when i could possibly be better alone?
I could see myself travelling around half the globe with my lil' backpack, experiencing the sights and sounds of the world, feeling happy and carefree.
One might argue that everyone has their own physical and emotional needs. Therefore, we would be forced to conform to the conventions of getting married and having kids ultimately. Prob with someone who could not meet the grade.
Well, my rhetorical reply would be, someone who could not meet the grade would never be able to satisfy those needs, even though trying hard might make a small difference.
Whatever it is, here goes the zazazu!
The Za Za Zu
This zazazu thing is really hard to find. It seems like that is what we're all searching for, the zazazu guy with the qualities of a good boyfriend. Someone who cares and takes care of you, and on top of that, you must feel the zing whenever you're with him. We debated, should we ever compromise the two factors X & Y, or should we stick to a ratio that we're comfortable with? Yesterday we babes said that we shouldn't settle for less, we should never settle for grade B at our age right now. but what about A-? Or do we want to stick to grade A (the perfect guy with 1:1 ratio of zazazu and boyfriend qualities) before we decide to marry? You must know that zazazu is not equivalent to physical qualities. It's just that special chemical X that each of us will feel about the One.
I was sure that I do not want to marry someone who's not the One. I still believe that he's out there. Sure, we may not be absolutely sure if he is the One but I'm sure of one thing, he should be the person I cannot live without. By that standard, I should be able to make my judgements correctly. I think. I can think of one person that I cannot live without, but there isn't the zazazu, I think. doesn't that contradict? So now I would have to re-access how I can make my conclusion on the One. How about, it should be a feeling, that you would just know? That's something that I have heard from my married friends, that you'll know when he comes along.
So we shouldn't worry too much right? That is, ceteris paribus.
We are all growing. Older by the day. Given that you may want to have kids, maybe 2 kids, you should at least have the first kid before 30. So we count backwards. Prob you'll want to have a married life without kids for 2 years, so that makes you to be 27 to get married. (2 years of mlwk and then 9 mths of pain carrying the baby). And given that a normal dating lifespan is 2 years for you to find out if the r/ship is working out, the latest age that I have to start dating the One is 25.
We thought that we still have 3 blocks of 2-years to find that One. We're seriously wrong. Unless getting married is unimportant, having kids are not a priority. Which I think is the truth for me. Right now at least. who's to say that 5 years from now I won't change my mind? That's when we'll start to panic. And will be then settle for grade B!?! That's a horrifying thought.
Is it better to stay single than to marry grade B? Or how about we settle for grade A- right now? Do we have the luxury of time to make the correct decision right now? Or rather, the luxury of choices? If we are holding on to A-, do we want to give it up in search of A* or do we hold on to A-, just in case? But it's not fair to A- to be kidnapped when you know that there's a high possiblity that marriage will not happen if someone better comes along.
But, what if A* doesn't exist?
We're in limbo most of the time, searching and seeking. L is right, we have to put ourselves out there, we all do. Imagine a big wide open space, the sun rises and sets and all these people stand around, walk around, looking for that person. Time passes and still the same group wanders around. Even those who have found someone, they are still wandering around, 'is he/she the one?'. I can imagine a painting like that. I would like to paint that out.
And so this question remains, what is your own comfortable balance of factor X and Y? Maybe eventually my own would be a ratio of 2:1. I think I'll value the zazazu more. That's so hard to find. so hard.
posted by A citizen of Mother Earth @ 6:41 PM
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