Tiring Day

I was slogging away yesterday. Clearing up the after-exams debris was too much of a chore for the physically-challenged like me. Yeah, I know, it's been at least 5 weeks after my final paper.. and the results were already out long ago. Getting my lazy bones to work is just like trying to start some rusty engine. IT TAKES TIME. I have cleared up and put away most of my notes. But there is still a huge chunk of junkies that I have kept for years (some dating as far back as 9 or 10 years ago!). It's going to be a painful decision if I have to throw it. So, they are still sitting in my study room, occupying considerable space.

I dont know why I just love holding on to, what my mum termed them as junks. Wondering when will I eventually bear to part with them...

Had a short but not-so-satisfying nap after the labour. Woke up in a haze to prepare to go out and meet Jen for dinner at Baker's lounge. Food was reasonable. We had a good chat, laughing over how ridiculous some people can get. There is of course some serious notes behind all the jokes after all. LIFE! And she managed to reason with me on some personal matters.

Going to get back some of my stuff fr Jon tmr. I cant wait to get a brand new start. My decision shall stand.

Boxing Day Greetings!

Xmas eve was slow and easy. Met up with YC for a brief dinner at Bedok. It was a simple hawker fare. Received a box of pralines from him. They tasted heavenly! Esp after using up so much energy for my dance show at Hawaiian BBQ! hee!

Xmas day itself was madness! Was in church for the late morning service. Had a sinful lunch at Jack's place with Angela and Serene. Received a shawl from Angela. It was such a thoughtful gift cos i was deciding whether to get a brown shawl for quite a while. She gave me another corporate planner which looked really nice and sleek. But, im not sure if i'd the chance to use it. Ive been getting too many planners and I can only choose to work with one. Aww, no wonder it is often said that we are just too spoilt for choices in life!

It's been a long time since Ive patronised Jack's place. The Q was horrible and seemed especially cruel when our stomachs were growling. Joined the heat of Mango sales at Iseatan after lunch. Walked out of the place cos I simply cant beat the wrestling and jostling of the crowd. And crap! I think guys shld be banned from the ladies' boutique! They are such a hindrance. Arrgghhh..

After my 20 mins ordeal with the shoppers, I headed for tea with YC at coffee club. Qs again! Goodness... Headed home to rest and change before having another sinful meal with Marcus. Then, it was drinks with Amy and gang at Circular Rd. Lucky thing that it was just Chivas with green tea and I could get away with the night, ALIVE!

Yesterday's sermon was about what are the things that really matter in our lives and more specifically, in God's eyes. The pastor made a reference to an example whereby a couple was on the verge of divorce when the wife decided to pen down a 100 reasons why she loved her husband. The husband was moved by her gesture and the marriage was salvaged. In this example, love was shown to be the real thing that mattered to the couple, as compared to the deep conflict they were in. Drawing an allusion to my present situtation, Im getting confused once more. Should I stay firm with my decision?


"If I create from the heart, nearly everything works; if from the head, almost nothing."- Marc Chagall.

Some silly stuff extracted from "The Healing Arts"

Robert Graves
1895- 1985

A Slice Of Wedding Cake


Why have such scores of lovely, gifted girls
Married impossible men?
Simple self-sacrifice may be ruled out,
And missionary endeavour, nine times out of ten.

Repeat 'impossible men': not merely rustic,
Foul-tempered or depraved
(Dramatic foils chosen to show the world
How well women behave, and always have behaved).

Impossible men: idle, illiterate,
Self-pitying, dirty, sly,
For whose appearance even in City parks
Excuses must be made to casual passers-by.

Has God's supply of tolerable husbands
Fallen, in fact, so low?
Or do I alwayd over-value woman
At the expense of man?

Do I?
It might be so.





Dorothy Parker
1893-1967

Unfortunate coincidence


By the time you say you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying--
Lady, make a note of this,
One of you is lying.

Disappointing Day

Was supposed to watch a modern dance performance today. But Map was sick and I dont really wanna go alone. Though Im not exactly alone, most of my friends are going with their own clique or with their other half. So, I guess it's better to give up the tickets instead. Aww, what a waste!

I have decided to take up a dance show assignment on Xmas eve. Since I dont have any dates, it might not be a bad idea to earn some extra cash. Gonna be in church on Saturday for the late morning service. Hmm, and NYE celebration prob gonna be in church as well. At least it beats wrestling with the crowds! Oh yeah, will be trekking at Bkt Timah Hill on Boxing Day with my comm members. Looking forward to it! =)

For some reasons, I really cant wait to send off 2004. It's not really a good year for me. First, it was the horrible attachment period. And then, some disappointment in my love life, followed by two months of miserable hall life and school stress. And more disappointment ensued at year end. Sigh!

New Year Resolution

Was all worked up in the morning. My PC almost failed me at the most critical moment. Everything was on the standby when it was 9 mins to the registration time. When Im left with 3 mins to go, my PC just shut down automatically without any warning. How could that happen? Muttering a lil' prayer to God, I restarted my comp with bated breath. Yeah! Just in time to login for the 1pm registration! Managed to register for the elective that I wanted.

Various resolutions have been sprawling all over my mind in these 1 or 2 weeks.. Hmm, perhaps I should get my thoughts organised now. Hope that next year's gonna be an eventful one. I just wanna treasure school life...

So here it goes:

• Bag more As and drive away the Cs and Ds-- Oh yeah, my goal is to get an honours. Let me be abit more consistent and diligent in Year 2005. I wanna be nearer to my goals.

• Stop reminiscing and not to let the past bog me down-- Whatever had happened should be left behind. Im not going to let the past burden me and carry forward to the new year.

• Be more happy and cheerful-- Hope that I won't let anything get me down and practise the habit of being happy. Gotta learn to have a thanksgiving heart so that I wont make things difficult for myself.

• Looking good and being healthy will be part of my effort to do well in my studies and be more cheerful... hahazz. So I'd better start an exercise and skincare regime! Gotta devour more fruits n veggie to maintain the healthy glow (as advised by my beautician! hee!). Yeah, gonna work harder to look good and maintain a healthy lifestyle... so that I'll look young forever. hahahaz! You wont believe this! but im really worried abt aging and sagging! I dont want to turn into a hag so soon..

• To better juggle my time-- No time isnt an excuse anymore! Gotta use my time wisely so that I can pick up more books and do a dozen of more meaningful stuff. that includes building up a stronger relationship with God!

If I cant fix the mess, Im gonna leave it behind with time. Year 2005 is gonna be a year for me to start afresh and create great memories to keep! Cant wait to send 2004 off, though it meANs that term's drawing near!

SHoPping...

Went shopping on my own yesterday. All thanks to my sis who played me out at the very last minute! hmmp! Bought for myself an eye-lash curler from ANna Sui (it was highly recommended by friends) and 2 CDs--- one of them was by contemporary pianoist, Pual Cardall, and the other one was a Jazz compilation. Was looking high and low for the barbie doll watch that one of the kids wanted. But i still couldnt find it! Im still short of school shoes and the barbie doll watch to make my list complete.

Im quite contented with my load. Feeling kinda exhuasted at the end of the day. ShoPping alone obviously doesnt help to ease my agony from the breakup. Aww, im falling back into sleeping difficulties again.

Sorry is the hardest word?

Had a hand on the cashflow game yesterday. It was so interesting! It was a long coffee over a heart-to-heart session with Map before the cashflow thing.

The whole day had been fantastic until Ive decided to tell Jon once and for all that everything shld be put to an end. It had been on my mind all the while.. I really didnt wanna spit it out just before his birthday and when he's at his busiest. Everything was settled with less than 5 sms-es. I felt really bad. But I just couldnt act as if there were no issues between us. I just gotta admit that we are simply not suitable for each other. I know that no matter how apologetic I am, it still doesnt mitigate the damage that Ive already done. The word "Sorry" was repeated at least 3 times last night. Couldnt sleep well cos I just felt so upset.

There isnt any point dragging it any further. I dun wanna waste his time. I mean, I did gave it a shot. But Im really convinced that we cant be together. Furthermore, Ive got to concentrate on my studies. Getting an honours is just too important to me.

Yeah, Im extremely selfish... Go ahead and call me a heart-breaker.

But look, it wasnt easy for me to go through this. I dont want things to turn out this way. If I had a choice, I would have wished that we had never met.

Im not to be blamed for this entirely. He had a part to play by pushing me too fast. Whatever it is, there's no use debating this issue now. All i Know is that this is an unpleasant process. I guess im always better off alone. And probably destinated to be alone...

Sleeping Beauty

I have never thought that a local production by Singapore Dance Theatre could be so enthralling. Mistook the Sleeping Beauty that I watched last night with the one produced by The Imperial Ice Stars. But it was a beautiful mistake! I ended up watching an enchanting ballet at Esplanade yesterday night.

Im considering if I should get the tickets for the other version of Sleeping Beauty by the Imperial Ice Stars. But the tics gonna burn a gigantic hole in my pocket. It'd cost me 100 odd to get the same kinda seats that ive got for yesterday's performance! BUt BUt BUT... Im very sure that it's going to be an even more stunning ballet performance. Ballet on ice--- prob the first in S'pore! How can one miss Olympic-winning-ice-skating medalists in action? Aww, Santa Claus, pls grant me my wish! hahhazz...


Had a good time doing recce for Befrienders' outing. My only regret was not bringing my cam along to capture the breath-taking view of Upper Pierce Reservior. It's so so soOoooo beautifuL... Love the natural landscape that framed the reservior... aww, next time!

Spinning around in a plethora of liberated inhibitions.

Aww, been drinking quite abit these two days. Got tipsy on vodka sprite and 5 or 6 shots of special house mix at East side on Friday. Lucky me! Managed to slip away from Tequila shots.

Saturday was a treat to Ice Wine with YC after watching Alexander. hmm, produced in New Zealand, belonging to the 2002 vintage... I found it pretty smooth and refreshing but YC said that the vintage that he tried the other time was sweeter. It's a great pity that we did not have any desserts to go with the drinks. Im not a great fan of wine (and definitely not a good drinker as well!) and I seriously marvel at how some ppl can finish a full-course wine dinner! But it's definitely something exciting!

Alexander was a great show. I love ancient warriors and the mysterious Greek culture that accompanied the story. More importantly, I love the realistic portrayal of the film. The theme boiled down to one simple argument. Can the leader's actions be justified as doing good for his people or are they the means of achieving his personal ambition? Is a leader for himself or for the people? To be honest, I believe on the former.

In the film, we see his popularity declined as he expanded his terrority east-ward. His soldiers wanted to go home and be with their family. But Alexander's ambitions were strong, like before. Their goals were now incongruent and Alexander was being accused of not being understanding.

I do question his motive of invading other countries. To do good? To liberate them from the rule of the so-called-Babarians? He claimed that they were a civilised nation and the land of good. He wanted to bring his father's ambition further. But is it really for his own glory?

In some sense, I do see it as an allusion to America's very own history of invasion of other countries under the same pretext. I question Alexandra's motives in the same way as ive questioned the political motives of the ascent of communist's power by defeating the KMT in the early days of China.

To be fair, it might be true that invasions could be justified as a good cause for the civilians. However, things would spun out of control if the leader gets too caught up with his own ambitions and stubbornly refuses to acknowledge his mistakes, eventually passing on the catastrophe to many others. What is worse is that they persist in believing that their actions (as a result of their high ambitions) are for the people.

But taking the people to war is the most dreadful thing to do. I agree whole-heartedly with Michel de Montaigne that, "...what cannot be accomplished by reason, and by wisdom and tact, can never be accomplished by force." But I also agree that history do repeat itself.


(I hate to vet my blog entries. Do forgive me if there are tons of grammatical flaws and things that doesnt quite make sense... Im departing just a bit from sanity. No, IM NOT DRUNK! But, it's just the hang ups from the wine.)

Mandatory medical test for couples before marriage?

Throw me the question and I'd not hesitate to tell you that it's a splendid move! No doubt honesty is the foremost important ingredient in building a relationship. However, the sad truth is presented at the table now-- You would never know what the other party could be hidding from you. Certainly, no one would want to discover the undesirable secret only after marriage.


Im not trying to sow discord among dating couples. But, I just want to highlight the fact that not everyone is honest about everything and you cant expect a complete disclosure from your partner. There you go! My cynism is setting in again.


While everything may look good on the surface, you wont really know. Take the CAO meltdown as an example. Who would have thought that such a reputable company could go debt-ridden with its' ridiculous speculative dabbles in derivatives? I heard about this tragic tale some years back. My lecturer's friend was married to this man who was divorced with a kid, out of what-she-thought-to-be-LOVE. Later, she contracted VD from this man. It was beyond my imagination to phantom the betrayal and hurt the victim had to go through! She had done more than enough to accept a divorcee with a kid. What she got in return was lies and a heap of miseries that plagued her soul and physical being!


To make medical test mandatory would serve a useful purpose for pre-wed couples to decide whether they are serious about taking the maritial oath-- to remain together and be there for each other in weak health. It ease up things because some couples may it difficult to agree on such an arrangement themselves.


And to withhold crucial health and financial information from one's fiancee is an irresponsible thing to do. It tantamounts to being a liar! How can you entrust your happiness to such a person?


Leave the cherished idealism of love aside, I mean, not all can accept marrying a bankrupt or someone with a medical background. What's the point of being a "scammer" and try to get the other party into marriage by painting a deceptive picture perfect? Such people must be the meanest and most selfish creatures on earth. How can you ruin another person's lifelong happiness? I can never comprehend the force that can compel one to commit such a sinister act!


Dont get me wrong. It's not that I'm that mindful about everything. But the bottom line still boils down to two important issues. First, it's about honesty and trust between the two parties who are supposedly to be in love. Second, if one party refuses to disclose important facts during the dating stage, he or she is lost in self-deception. Do you think you can really get away by keeping hush-hush? If the other party cannot accept your background, then tell me, why do you wanna get married? Stop deceiving everyone and get alive!


Though I can shamelessly admit that Im a selfish freak, I would certainly not hand on horrendous misery to someone else. Yes, Ive got my own personality flaws (and probably tons of it). But I'd rather my partner discover it than trying to act like Im a descended Angel from heaven. What convince me of real love is someone who can accept me for who I am.

Me and Jen.. Met up for Dim Sum buffet lunch at SRC with her two other colleagues. 

Zoo outing... (top to bottom): Me and... erm, Ive forgotten her name! urrggghhh, my apologies darling!. Next, Tai Yuan and me at the playground. Yepz, he kept saying that he wanna marry me! Two sweeties on the swing... 

Xmas Party at Y-hub... (Top to bottom) Left: Me and the adorable Jia Qi, Digging in the "Treasure Cove", Wild and excited. Right: Curious and stunned, What lies beneath the heap of trash?, Tai Yuan in action. 

YMCA Xmas Party

The Xmas party at Y-hub was fabulous! Had lotsa fun teasing the kids (and perhaps, also being teased by the kids as well. hee!)

Had a sinful dinner with Jon at East Coast Food Village. Stingray, satay and a plate of greasy "cai lan" in oyster sauce. EEk! I finished up all the 20 Hershey's drops that Jer gave me! PLEASE KILL ME!!! Slash my flabby tumMy first. Nopez, you wont see blood at sight. You will more likely find oil oozing from the wound!

Just found a nice dining place at East Coast- Pasta Fresca (I hope Ive got the name right). It's the perfect dining ambience I have in mind. With tables and chairs set on the sand, it is close enough to the shore to feel the gentle breeze. You can take ur time to gaze at the liners in the distance after you had your fill. I gonna smuggle my Ice wine into the restaurant next saturday and enjoy it under the moonlight, after the restuarant close at 11pm! uHhhh-hOo! Will bug YC to get some dessert wine. Perhaps I could get some chocs to go along... mar-vel-lous!

ConfeSsions of aN inCorRigibLe GLutton!!!

Shouldnt the title be "RePentaNce Of aN incorrigibLe gLutton" instead?

Pardon me if u hafta squint and pry open your eyes as you try to decipher my message that alternates from capital letters to small letters. It's really a die-hard habit.

The past few days had been pretty fun and fulfilling. Went to the zoo on Monday with the DSA kids. One of them kept saying that he wanna marry me! Got quite exasperated. It was no mean feat dealing with some of the kids who can be really tempermental. But it was really fun. Spent wednesday at home WATCHING (look, it's absolutely neccessary that i highlight this) Jon cook sphagetti and delivering the savory lunch in total delight. Yummy! It's been at least 2 or 3 months since Ive last indulged in delectable sphagetti with its plentiful ingredients swimming in the thick and rich mushroom gravy. i just love home-cooked sphagetti. I can dictate how I want it to be. Absolutely in the way I like it! Experimented with pizza-making later in the afternoon. 4 small-sized pizza shared among my sis, Jon and me. And mind you, that's not all! Had a few slices of salmon and chocs for supper after I returned home from the YMCA meeting. SinfuL Wednesday!

Thursday's lunch was dim sum buffet with Jen and her two colleagues. They were flabbergasted by the truly "astonishing" horrors of our stint with KP. Yes, we can now amuse ourselves by re-telling the tales in a jovial and probably sarcastic manner. In reality, it has done much damage and devastated my interest in accounting. But I do have to confess that making the big steer in my path was kinda impulsive. It's an admission that the decision to abstain from accounting and escape from the evilness of the corporate world was indeed an extreme one. I was too intimidated by the complexity. The ubiquity of stiff competition is something that I thought was impossible for me to handle.

BUT again, I believe in God's will. If teaching wasnt really something meant for me, I wouldnt have been successful at the interview despite of my burning fever on that day.

Still, Im apprehensive about my future. My route for the next 7 years or so have been paved. When others talk about what they see themselves in 10 years' time, I could picture myself as someone no more than a rather fresh educator, earning just enough to keep my stomach filled. I cringed because I cant see a stronger self in the near future. Im an ambitious lady. I yearn for a quality life. My blazing desires for material needs can never be diminished. It can only get stronger. But, I have yet to figure out the means of achieving my ends.

Someone asks me why am I always depressed. My lofty ambition is the answer.

I need to be more focused in the coming year and stop frittering away precious time on the so-called "brainless activity". My self-discipline and the ability to focus has been diminishing. I badly need a fix!

For now, ive got an urgent issue to resolve... gotta watch what I'll be eating in the coming weeks and reckon a way to work off those extra kilos. ANd geez! Ive got a bbq tonite! this entire week has been overladen with food! and it's barely close to xmas... what will become of me when sch starts???